I'm not a follower of astrology, but this one--come on! This one hit a little too close to home.
A birthday, in my mind, is kind of similar to New Year's Day. It serves as a reminder that a year has gone by. It's a time to reflect on what has occurred, and it's a time to look ahead and think of what one hopes to occur.
Last year, I was sad on my birthday. I think it was my first sad birthday in life. I was sad because I was lost and lonely. I was in a transition phase, and I was experiencing growing pains. I was 8 months out of college with no real sense of where I wanted to go, but afraid to take a wrong step, so I ended up taking no steps. I had broken relationships with friends and family: I was no longer connected to college friends because of the distance, and I had alienated and hurt my childhood friends because I betrayed their trust. On top of that, I had an extremely rocky relationship with my parents. Lastly, I was at war within myself.
So my birthday came and went. On the day of, I received minimal birthday wishes. Some here, some there. I had been forgotten. There's few things that can feel as deeply cutting as being forgotten on your birthday, the very day you were brought into the world--basically a day of celebration for your existence in life. Just a year before, I was on top of the world. I couldn't help but think, "How did it get to this point?"
Not long after that (2 days to be exact), I left for a trip to Asia. I was a "coach" for high schoolers from all over California participating in a cross-cultural leadership training program called Project Ascent. We visited various cities (Hong Kong, Xian, Beijing, Tianjin) and did various activities (met with trouble teens at a HK high school, visited a village school and their homes, interacted with well-educated Chinese high school students, and visited an orphanage for disabled children). Throughout the trip, I felt rejuvenated. I felt alive again. I formed relationships with the high school kids--meaningful ones. We shared unique experiences with each other. We leaned on each other for support and took care of one another when someone got sick (Well, actually the coaches took care of the kids when they were sick). We made each other laugh and explored the new culture together. It was one of the best trips of my life. I watched the kids grow so much throughout the trip, and I offered advice in guidance when I could. I went to sleep with peace, and I woke up with excitement. Can't ask for anything better than that.
This year, I had a great birthday. I felt good. I think about everyone who had wished me a happy birthday today, and they are literally from all my walks of life: my friends from Cornell, my Project Ascent kiddies, family members, Evergreeners, basketball teammates, high school classmates, old colleagues, current colleagues, and of course my best friends. I'm not saying I need to "feel good" about myself, but I think the point I'm making is that...I see a difference from last year. The difference is that this past year, I took the time to develop and grow relationships. I put in time and effort into people that I care about, and I think that's something that as humans, we can sense from one another. I found joy in friends again. I took steps forward instead of being afraid. This past year, I went on an amazing trip, started a new job (9 months and counting!), started BSF, rebuilt old friendships, made new friends, and basically tried put myself out there and lay it all out. I think it's when I stopped being self-centered that I actually felt happy and free again. If I sound like I'm patting myself on the back right now, I'm not trying to. I'm just happy that I learned a big lesson and was able to climb my way back out of the hole I dug myself into. I'm just thankful for everyone in my life. "Nothing in this life worth fighting for is easy."
I'm 24! And as I post this, another year has officially come and gone...
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